Where's the reset button?

     It's official, I'm sick. I've stayed home in bed pretty much all day with the exception of keeping 2 appointments I had and going to the store. I'm miserable. I have a terrible headache, a low fever, my neck feels like a tree trunk, and I have no voice and a terrible cough. I guess if I'm going to be sick I better make it count right? I just hope I'm better by the weekend and don't have to miss much more work, we're short staffed right now as it is anyways...
    
     I had 2 counseling appointments at school today, one was mandatory for a class and the other was for a drug and alcohol assessment. I've known I've been an alcoholic for almost as long as I've been drinking, I just go through periods where I minimize how serious it is because I'm a high functioning alcoholic. Enough is enough. I see it effecting various aspects of my life; my overall health, school, relationships, my mood. I don't want to just be average, I want to be amazing! I want to be happy and bubbly like I usually am, I haven't felt that way the last couple months. My grades in school have suffered...I've come too far and worked too hard to not do well and be successful in college!!! I would also LOOOOOVE to have the ability to be in a healthy and loving relationship someday that I don't ruin with my drinking. I'm a good person,  but so are most alcoholics. The way I look at it is that I have 2 choices. I can continue to drink and just do average and eventually become a slave to drinking like my dead beat dad or I can rise above it and quit and excel in school and achieve all of my goals!

     The one problem I see with not drinking is getting over being social in ways that involve drinking, and a lot of it. I have groups of friends here at school that are amazing people and I love to be around them but they all do like to drink. As much fun as it is to drink with them, I no longer want to drink...so I guess my fear really is isolation in achieving my goal of not drinking. It's not true though. I just have to find ways of being social with out drinking, have a sober support group, and re-learn what to do when your not drinking on your free nights. I was told by one of my counselors that I should start keeping a journal. It helps sort out your feelings and you may realize things that you didn't before...so stay tuned I guess.