Liam Neeson is the SHIT

     So another Father's day has come and gone. Not that I care all that much really, but it's just a really cool reminder of how I got the short end of the stick in that department. As much as I am glad to not have my dad in my life and how proud I am in myself and the way I've turned out so far, I've just really always craved that kind of relationship. After my dad left I didn't have any constant male influence or any positive ones. I know it's effected me in the long run...and I just dread my wedding. I'm kind of old school and am really sad i won't have a father/daughter dance or have anyone traditionally giving me away (it'll be either my mom or my brothers)...I just guess it comes to me feeling a tiny bit bitter for all the people with awesome dads/stepdads in their lives. I can't lie...I am defiantly envious. I haven't seen or talked to my "dad" in like 9 years...He's a dead beat dad for sure but sometimes I just wish I had a father figure.  :(
     I start summer school tomorrow (boo!)... I've been really torn lately. I REALLY would like to finish school and get a degree BUT I have been struggling with everything that's been going on the last year and a half...I do well enough in school but am really not putting a whole lot of effort into it (which I don't like). It's also very tempting to just work full time and live life more...I know I'll stick to school to 1. finish what I started ( 3 yrs down, 2 to go) and 2. It would just about break my mom's heart (I'm the only one of her kids going to college or being productive in life AND she's just so stinking proud of me). I know I'll be super proud of me too when I graduate and 2 years really isn't shit. I've been here for 3 years, what's 2 more....which also leads me to..I've been saying it for a while but I know that I don't want to 1. move back to Portland when I graduate or 2. stay here for the rest of my life....Oh life...how crazy you are, I wonder where it will lead me.
I worked almost 12 hrs today and my brain is all over the place...random thoughts:
1. I love music entirely way too much
2. I think my job is improving my self esteem
3. I miss being ridiculously hyper
4. I wish I wasn't a freaking alcoholic
5. I like this guy and hope I don't screw it up
6. Idk what I'm going to do with my self all summer
7. I miss my girl friends...most of them live elsewhere or moved home for the summer..but I AM making new ones
8. Life is good
9. I hope I maintain or lose weight
10. I need to get back into my routine (exercise/eating/sleeping)
Until next time...