Yes, it's been a while. I suppose I don't feel the need to write when things are going well. It's when things get tough that I like to write; I think it helps me sort my thoughts and gets it out of my mind and onto somewhere else I suppose....Any who....
So..."my guy" is now my boyfriend and we've been dating for about 4 months now. He really is an amazing guy and is a blessing to me. I don't think I've ever been more respected, loved, and treated so nice by anyone, not that I haven't had good bf's in the past or anything, but he just is extremely well rounded. I have to say that this last birthday I had was probably the most special birthday I've had, or at least I felt really special (corny and gushy I know). He took me to the beach for the day/night, took me antiquing, bought champagne, took me to dinner, then we hit up the casino to gamble (which he set aside money for) and drink. It was really fun. He put a lot of thought into it too...haha he got a hotel that wasn't 'commericial' (so me) and was smaller, awesome, and way cooler then like say the Hilton/Shiloh. He thought of everything. He even told me I love you! Totally caught me off guard, but couldn't have been more pleasantly surprised. I think I'd realized about a week before that I'd actually fallen for this guy. Honestly, I'd kind-of be crazy not to have. :)
Here's something that I have bugging me and that has been kind-of an undertone to some/most of these posts...me feeling not 100% and my not being satisfied with drinking.
I, over the last 6 months, have totally just fallen off my healthy wagon (well, healthiER). I rarely run, I haven't gone to the gym since Morgan graduated, I eat at work, I eat out too much, I drink, and still haven't kicked nicotine (which I beat myself up for too). I think all of this is why I feel so lethargic, unmotivated, self critical, and why I've gained all the weight back that I lost last year. All of this is very frustrating. I really want to do well and be good in school and be my "bubbly" self at work but with all of this going on with me it is getting increasingly hard to do. This is bull shit. I have will power in me. I've quit cigarettes for 2 years and drinking for long periods of time, it's not like I CAN'T do this. I used to run 4-5 days a week and go to the gym 1-3 times a week. I used to always pack a lunch/dinner for work to help myself eat healthier and cook vs. go out. How did I get so...god damn lazy, or better yet...how the f*#& did I let myself get to this point. I hate feeling this way. I'm just not satisfied or as happy and energetic as I could be or would like to be. I don't know why I am finding this to be so hard but I want to get back on the horse...maybe I'll start going back to alcohol counseling here at school. I only went a few times, but the guy here is really nice and understanding and helped a lot when I sought out advice from him a while back...because honestly, this nonsense has to stop...That's all for now, until next time...
PS. At my cousin's wedding.. I ended up losing no weight and had to be wrestled into my brides maid dress by my aunt and 2 other girls. I'm really surprised the zipper didn't break and that I wasn't walking like Frankenstein the whole time. It was surprisingly comfortable...lesson learned on bridesmaid dress shopping I guess...or just say no next time ;)
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